November 6, 2025
Order in the court, hold the mustard
Man who threw sandwich at US border agent not guilty of assault
Jury acquits sandwich-thrower; commenters serve hangry justice and deli-level puns
TLDR: A DC protester who threw a sandwich at a border agent was acquitted of assault. Commenters split between endless deli puns and a mini law-seminar on assault vs. battery, while some question prosecutors’ earlier push for felony charges—turning a snack attack into a symbol of DC’s policing tensions.
A Washington, DC protester who tossed a sandwich at a US border agent walked out not guilty, and the internet threw a full deli counter at the story. Agent Gregory Lairmore’s mustard-stained testimony—“I could feel it through my ballistic vest” and “I could smell the onions”—had commenters cackling. The pun parade was unstoppable: one user declared it was “all bologna,” while another crowned the verdict “decided by twelve hangry men” (tip of the cap to Fark). And yes, the toy “felony footlong” gifted to the agent is now canon in meme history.
But beneath the laughs, a spicy debate simmered. Legal sticklers pressed the question: assault or battery? One commenter just dropped “Battery?” and walked away, sparking threads on whether a thrown snack counts as harmful force or just messy free speech. Others grilled prosecutors for chasing a felony before a grand jury said nope, leaving a misdemeanor that a jury ultimately torpedoed. Meanwhile, the agent’s reenactment split the crowd—some felt he played it up, others argued any strike on an officer is serious. With DC tensions over federal deployments as the backdrop, the verdict became a symbolic moment: was this justice served, or just a messy lunch break? Either way, the timeline is drowning in mustard jokes and legal nitpicks.
Key Points
- •A Washington DC jury acquitted Sean Dunn of misdemeanor assault for throwing a sandwich at a US border patrol agent on 10 August.
- •Prosecutors initially sought felony charges, but a grand jury declined to indict, leading to a misdemeanor charge and a two-day trial.
- •Agent Gregory Lairmore testified the sandwich exploded on him, described sensory details, and reenacted the incident in court.
- •Defense lawyer Julia Gatto argued colleagues’ jokes about the incident indicated it was not assault.
- •Dunn’s video became widely shared amid opposition to President Trump’s deployment of federal agents and National Guard to Washington DC; Dunn was fired from his DOJ paralegal job after the incident.