February 3, 2026
Blame the stars for your lag
Astrological CPU Scheduler
Your computer runs on star signs and the internet can’t stop laughing
TLDR: A real Linux plug‑in now schedules your computer by astrology, tweaking speed based on planets and moon phases. Comments oscillate between horror and hilarity, with memes blaming Pluto and retrogrades, while some admit it’s absurd yet oddly useful—spotlighting how far playful experimentation can push serious tech.
A developer just dropped “scx_horoscope,” a wild plug‑in that actually tells the Linux kernel which apps get CPU power based on zodiac signs, moon phases, and even Mercury retrograde. Translation: when Mars is grumpy, your video encoding slows; when the Moon is full, your text editor flies. Fire signs boost heavy number‑crunching, water signs dampen it, and retrogrades cut your time slice in half. Yes, it really runs, and yes, there’s a “cosmic weather report.”
The community reaction? Pure chaos and comedy. One user gasped, “AI is truly the mother of monsters,” blaming the tech zeitgeist for this celestial circus. Another meme’d their pain: “compile times are slow today… Pluto is moving into Aquarius,” instantly turning dev tools into horoscope fodder. Meanwhile, a battle brewed between eye‑rolling purists and gleeful pranksters: the purists mutter “why,” the pranksters clap back with “Because we can.” A surprising number admit it might be… useful? With people declaring Venus retrograde responsible for ugly UIs and Mars retrograde for sluggish builds, the thread turned into a cosmic blame game. Whether you see it as satire, art, or a genuine nerd flex, the mood is equal parts “Bravo” and “help, my terminal caught feelings.”
Key Points
- •scx_horoscope is a Linux sched_ext scheduler that bases CPU scheduling on real-time astrological data.
- •It uses a Rust astro crate for planetary positions and detects retrograde motion via daily ecliptic longitude comparison.
- •Element-based boosts and debuffs adjust task performance depending on sign-task compatibility.
- •A priority formula combines base priority, planetary influence, and element effects to compute dynamic time slices, halved during retrograde.
- •Installation and usage require cargo build, root privileges, runtime flags for cosmic weather and debug, and Ctrl+C for shutdown.